The WSFA Journal



October 1993

ISSN 0894-5411

"Alexis Gilliland and Lee Uba are now engaged"


"We Were Here. Where Were You?" ........................... Page 2
"While we're waiting for the future to arrive...." ........ Page 2
A Special Announcement .................................... Page 5


Vincent Throws a Kegger ................................... Page 8


The first Friday meeting in September met in Robyn Rissell's house in north Arlington, and at Confrancisco Worldcon, San Francisco, CA. Robyn's visitors sat around and talked for a while. We figured out a way to set a land speed record for WSFA meetings despite the proliferation of committees in recent years. But, we decided not to try it. Let Steve figure it out for himself.

The Confrancisco attendees had fun, too. See Perrianne Lurie's report in a future issue of The WSFA Journal.

[ Cartoon: Man says to monkey on typewriter: This is Hamlet.
   We wanted the WSFA Journal. ]



The regular Third Friday in September business meeting of the Washington Science Function Association convened at precisely 19 minutes past 9 p.m. 17 Sep 93. Lee Uba challenged the President: "You have a watch? Does it work?" Steve Smith rejoined, "Twice a day."

Steve called upon Secretary Lee Strong to read the minutes of the previous meeting. Erica Van Dommelen moved that we substitute a reading of the Eye of Argon. Matt Leger moved that we take the minutes as red. Or blue as preferred.

Treasurer Robert "Guy" MacIntosh reported $3387.85 in the Treasury. There was a call for a party but it failed for lack of a second.

Alexis Gilliland, Chairfan of the Entertainment Committee, reported solving at least some aspects of the problem of an infinite number of monkeys typing "Hamlet". 1.a. Some of them will never write "Hamlet". 1.b. None of them will ever get published. 1.c. Practically all of them will write, "Alas! Poor Yorick! I knew him well!" 2. There will not be enough paper, energy or monkey chow in the universe. 3. There will not be enough editor monkeys to identify usable product. [See 1.b. above.] 4. There will not be enough librarian monkeys to file any usable products that are published. And, 5., there will not be enough TV channels to air all the sitcoms and cop shows that the monkeys will write instead of "Hamlet". Steve asked about Disclave Past. "He's coming shortly," claimed one. Well, what about Disclave Present? "They ate at the same restaurant." How about Disclave Future? "Do we have a future?" wondered Steve. "Not yet."

Steve called for a Trustees report and Dan Hoey woke up. "Will we have an election sometime?" "Aim for the Third Friday in October," suggested Dan. "Robyn's in the same dinner party at Beijing." Covert Beach, Chairfan of Disclave Past, arrived but had nothing to report. "While we're waiting for the future to arrive," stated Steve, "we'll move along to Old Business." There wasn't any of that, either.

New Business

There will be a Fifth Friday in October on the 29th. The club made "Ooh-ooh-ooh" noises. Vice President Terilee Edwards-Hewitt sat at the President's feet.

The New Tradition

James Uba Lee Uba abused encouraged her child to speak, "Identify yourself to the chair." "The furniture or the person?" asked James before continuing,"Hi, Mr. President!" The club went "Hi, James!"

At first, no one would admit to being here for her second time, but we smoked Fran out. Ah, ha! "Hi, Fran!" "Everyone state your name," demanded Terilee.

Anne and Patrick were here for their third time each. "Hi, Anne!" "Hi, Patrick!" Dan Hoey stated, "You three time losers are now eligible to join this organization ...." "What organization?" demanded Steve. "If you find an organization, you're welcome to join it." Steve went on to rehearse the rules for joining this whatever-it-is. "Fortunately, this in only a three step program," commented Erica.


"It is time for a brief regression [to Committee Reports]," pronounced Steve. John Peacock, Chairfan of Disclave Present, stated that Peggy Rae Pavlat agreed to run Registration. There are plenty of positions open." Terilee asked, "Is there going to be a meeting anytime soon, she asked?" Yes, possibly two.


The Secretary announced that anyone who would like their announcement printed as they wish rather than as the Secretary might record it should submit the announcement to the Secretary, in writing, after the business meeting.

Terilee had 3 announcements. First, she is still unemployed. "Hire me, please, especially for work in archeology and/or psychology." Lee Strong suggested, "Clean my apartment. That's archeology." This self-indictment draw some chuckles.

Second, Terilee is hosting A.D.(the Role Playing Game) 1 Oct 93. This has religious overtones. Third, she is hosting a Live Action Role Playing (LARP) party on 16 Oct at our house. It's like the Second Circle of Hell but quieter. The police don't show up and wonder what you're doing.

Matt Leger announced that he had 2 announcements. He cleared his throat, "Ahomp." "That's one," proclaimed Rowdie Yates. Matt proceeded with announcement 1.b. He's looking for a decently priced apartment in the Shady Grove Metro corridor. This fantasy produced serious laughter. Erica offered "a cardboard box on the porch we're not using."

Second, America On Line is aggressively recruiting new users. There will be an AOL party at the Hard Rock Cafe Downtown Washington. No membership fee; just the on line charge. If Matt recruits you, he gets 5 hours free.

Erica had several announcements. If anyone left 2 videos.... They were quickly claimed. Please leave the cat door to the bathroom open.

Erica went on to report that the jerk that ate food directly from her refrigerator on a previous occasion (and is somehow known as "Kathi Overton's special friend (?)") had caused further grief. After leaving the front door to Stately Ginter Manor hanging open after a WSFA meeting, he opined, "Well, it wasn't really open because I was coming back." He then pointed to a neighbor's cat and indicated that he would put the cat into Ginter Manor. "This looks like your cat." Erica stated firmly, "It's a neighbor's cat. Don't bring it in." Erica asked the club, "If he shows up, tell me so I can throw him out."

Walter Mills announced that he was raised in a barn.

Nancy Loomis will visit Nacogdoches, east Texas for 6 weeks.

Lee Uba announced, "Ghod almighty! I'm in another chili cookoff for the Kidney Foundation [on 2 Oct 93]." She threatened James for looking at her funny. Erica pointed out that Lee had made him come to the WSFA meeting. James stated that the chili cookoff would have the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders on hand. <They did not!>

Steve recognized "Mr. Lynch", who thanked all for the goodwill and support. The club applauded the Hugo winner, who modestly displayed his Hugo.

Barry Newton stated, "In the interest of teaching the younger generation the free enterprise system, kids are selling chocolate, candies and gift wrapping. See my agent [daughter]. Tales of ardent marketeers were told.

James Edwards-Hewitt's company selected his suggestion for the new company newsletter. Since the product is called Galaxy, James suggested Explorations.

Dan Hoey is looking for a Disclave '95 Chairfan.

Lance Oszko announced he had "about a dozen" announcements. Fortunately, pirates can't count too well. He has new pirate treasure and awards from the Worldcon Masquerade. The Baltimore Worldcon Bid Treasury now stands at $6233. Another group of Baltimore pirates were kidnapped by Algerians.

Sarah Cole is looking for random work and for a roommate to share with in January or February.

Matt then moved to adjourn and the club unanimously adjourned at 9:52 p.m.



The regular First Friday in October meeting convened at 9:18 p.m., 1 October 1993 in Chez Gilliland. For a while there, it looked like the Secretary or the Treasurer would have to preside over the zoo but President Steve Smith arrived to applause, led by the Secretary and the Treasurer.

Steve opened the meeting with the now traditional Official Presidential Bheer. It was pronounced a "bheer can that lisps" by one who knows. It also sprayed suds on the Secretary <who is already all wet>.

Secretary Lee Strong announced that he had no minutes as he was holding The WSFA Journal for "a special announcement". Erica Van Dommelen advised the audience to "Be very, very afraid."

Treasurer Robert "Guy" MacIntosh refused to report on the Treasury. {An ominous sign.} Lee Uba demanded that he report. Guy asked why he should obey her when he was already defying President Steve. Lee judged herself cuter than Steve. Erica demurred, "Oh, I don't know...." Alexis Gilliland pronounced Lee's attempt to take charge as a coup d'etat. {Another one?}

Guy finally succumbed and reported $3266.25 on hand. There were quiet calls for a party and for a bachelor party but these failed for lack of seconds.

** Alexis, Chairfan of the Entertainment Committee, deferred to Jim Uba. Jim announced, "You're probably aware that Alexis Gilliland and Lee Uba are now engaged." The club applauded Jim's happy news. There was a new call for a bachelor party but, again, this failed for lack of a second.

* [Inserted] Subsequently, Alexis and Lee set the date for 31 October 1993. **

Steve announced that the club was staggering along to further committee reports. He asked about Disclave Present. "They're absent," reported Perrianne Lurie.

Disclave Past is past. The WSFA Choral Society began singing *Where have all the Disclaves gone?*

Trustee Dan Hoey announced that, on the Third Friday in November, you should be very, very afraid.... Steve asked if we would be served a turkey early? Dan denounced chicken humor. Steve was confident that Dan would pull-et off. Dan denounced fowl election tactics. The club decided enough yolks already. Dan reported that there would be an election during the second meeting in November to elect a Chairfan for Disclave 1995.

Steve asked for "The Committees That I've Forgotten About"? I forgot to write down what they said.

Old Business

Steve noted that there will be a Fifth Friday in October, when we traditionally have a party if we can find someone to host the occasion. "You're standing up, Lance. Does this mean something?" challenged our President. Not.

Chuck Divine offered the Maryland Home for the Prematurely Tall. He will have a fire in the fireplace. Perrianne asked, "Did you learn to open the flue?"

You may wear costumes but no neckties unless you're dressed as Richard Nixon. Otherwise, Chuck will kill you. This was pronounced to be the Hunt for Dead October. Chuck's fit of insanity generous offer was unanimously approved.

Lee Uba complained, "I can't hear [what's going on]?" Steve remarked, "Neither can they. That's the advantage."

New Business

Lee Uba noted that, "Kids get bored silly upstairs...." Tom Schaad wondered aloud, "Does the fact that we're silly down here mean we're bored?" Lee ignored the philosopher and went on the propose that the club invest $10 in toys to entertain the youngsters. Lee Strong offered his toy circus, matchbox cars, and Erector set for free. Lee Uba declined with thanks. O.K. I'll just play with them myself.

Perrianne moved the club authorize Lee Uba to spend $10 on toys. After some discussion, the amount was raised to $20 by friendly amendment. The motion passed unanimously as amended.

Mike Zipser noted that the television show Fast Forward is done in Arlington. The producers send tapes to D.C. and Montgomery County. It is also seen in Alexandria and Arlington. "Would the club be willing to speed $280 for one year to disseminate the tapes?" Lee Uba so moved and Erica seconded.

Fast Forward has general fannish stuff for subjects. The producers are going for P.G. County and other public access channels. Lee Uba asked "Mr. Treasurer, can we afford it?" Guy did a Curly Joe imitation, answering, "Soytainly." Alexis pronounced himself opposed to world conquest. <Leaves more for the rest of us.> The vote was unanimous except for Alexis. He's not a guest again.


Steve called for a report by Disclave Present. John Peacock exclaimed, "Oh! That's me! There will be an extremely brief inspirational meeting after the meeting." He sent letters to the Art Guest of Honor (AGOH) and Guest of Honor (GOH).

Nude Business

Alexis started taking off his shirt.... Lee Uba announced she was giving her goodies away.


The New Tradition

Lee reminded Steve who remarked, "Got to keep her happy." {Actually, that's Alexis' job now.}

Is there anyone here for their first WSFA meeting? No, no! cried one. Jason Henderson pronounced himself to be a stranger in a strange land. Thomas the Red, Joyce Redman, Vivian Perry and Nathan Bardsley were also in a strange land for their first times.

Jim Uba was here for his second official meeting. Lee Uba professed to be proud of him for surviving the audience.

{Actually, he hasn't survived yet!} Lance's friend Slavik was also here for his second time.

Steve asked if anyone was here for his/her third time. Joe Mayhew advised the newbies that this process only went on to 34.


The Secretary announced that anyone who wished his or her announcement to appear as he or she wished rather than as the Secretary might remember it should write it down and submit it to the Secretary after the meeting. This was a pre-recorded announcement.

Lee Uba announced the 13th Annual War Between the States Chili Cookoff was held on 2 October. A New Borders bookshop is opening at Farragut.

Lance Oszko has Balticon '94 flyers, and sexy black t-shirts for $10 apiece. Sizes include Small to XX. Rowdie Yates pronounced them XX-rated.

Rebecca Prather retired. Plans for her retirement house have been finalized.

Joe Mayhew is looking for a roommate for the Minneapolis World Fantasy Con. He will read a play at Balticon entitled "The Gossips."

Eva Whitley has opened a lost and found department. "People leave more and more stuff [at my house]...." "Have a yard sale!" suggested one. Another WSFAn asked if Eva had $20 worth of toys?

The Science Fiction Channel interviewed Jack Chalker. They are using his picture to plug their show.

Lee Uba announced that there was a Barney [the sillisaur] in the room.

Perrianne had a Worldcon report. [Next issue.] The Science Fiction Buzz show introduced Kitty Jensen and Perrianne escorting people at the Hugos. She would also like a ride to Philcon.

Erica thanked Alexis for reminding her that she got suckered into having a Tupperware party on the Third Friday in October at 7:30 p.m. Since WSFA meets at 9:00, the Tupperware Lady will be out of the house so she doesn't have to see what fans do to innocent tupperware. This produced howls of laughter and several interesting suggestions for new and original ways to use tupperware.

John Peacock announced that Digital Express has lowered their rates to $200/year for the net-impaired.

Mike Walsh had the usual plus The Collected Feghoot, The Rude Astronauts with a cover by Dan Maitz. Murder in the Gun-room will be reprinted shortly. Give me your money.

Vivian Perry announced that the Association of American University Women will have a book author brunch in April 1994 to support educational scholarships. They have 5 authors per year, each from different fields of literature. She would like to meet science fiction authors.

Joe congratulated Dick and Nicki Lynch on their Hugo.

Steve Smith has a chair that wants a new home. He got the chair from Steve Dolan.... The club went "Ah!!!!" at this living legend.

Steve asked those in favor of adjourning to say something positive. The club unanimously said something positive at 9:59 p.m.


"Vincent Throws a Kegger"

Halloween Party - ILF Fundraiser

8:00 P.M., October 16, 1993

Party with a roleplaying theme! Join "Vincent Price" and his friends in monstrous drunken debaucheries!

$5.00 or ($10.00 Special Requests)

Location - [censored], Alexandria VA (Edwards-Hewitt's House)

Membership ILF Box 196 Merrifield VA 22116-0196

Make checks payable to Stephanie Olmstead